


Get me through the night

by cristallodineve



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insomnia, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:58:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristallodineve/pseuds/cristallodineve
Summary: Chanyeol's life sucks. He has a horrible job, he is single, he is an insomniac. The meeting with a strange boy just as lonely as him, though, will help him give his life a purpose. Because Chanyeol's night may be long and tiresome, but Baekhyun lives in perpetual darkness...





	1. One

The lights were too bright.

Chanyeol always thought it, but that night the fluorescent lights in the tiny cubicle were really hurting his eyes. He closed them, rubbing his forehead, then he tiredly checked his watch.

Two in the morning. The night was still long.

Sighing, he rested his back against the padded chair, tearing a sticky note from the block on his desk, crumbling it and aiming to the waste bin near the door. The successful throws, as well as the failed ones, were piling up either in the bin or on the floor. Whatever, he’d clean later. Time was the only thing he didn’t lack, in that moment.

He yawned – not because he was sleepy, but because he was bored. He was never sleepy, during his long, tedious wakes. The only moment when he really began to feel the tiredness was around half past five, just a little before the morning shift guard would come to punch in and take his place in the cubicle. He slowly raised his gaze to the walls of the small office, crammed with many small monitors connected with the various security cameras placed at strategic corners. Chanyeol stared at the black and white screens, like he did for most of the night, and when he saw nothing worrisome he lifted his long legs and put his crossed ankles on the desk, trying to make himself more comfortable.

His mother rejoiced when he told her he got a job as a night guard. “It’s great, sweetie” she cooed, “this way you can sleep during the day and work by night. Are you happy?”

 _Sure mom_. Chanyeol picked another sticky note and balled it up, throwing it angrily inside the bin. He was making a mess, and later he’d have to clean up, or his colleague would have yelled at him. He was an overweight dude always vaguely stinking of beer and cigarettes, who loved making fun of other people, and  Chanyeol hated him.

Still, his little problem didn’t give him much choice. It wasn’t like he could just pick another job, anyway.

He raised his gaze towards the monitors again, without really expecting to see anything upsetting. The building he was supposed to guard was just a library. There wasn’t really nothing worth stealing, no expensive ancient manuscripts. Probably the most precious item in there was the vending machine, which sometimes got emptied of all the coins, or the old computers in the informatics room. The moment Chanyeol liked the most about his night shift, actually, was the patrol round he did around two in the morning, when he walked in the silent corridors and explored the big, silent rooms lighting his way with his flashlight. He never saw anything worrisome, besides maybe hearing the rustling of what totally sounded like a rat or two in the rare books and archive storage room, but oh well.

Honestly, he liked the library. It was a rather old building, not enough old to be called ancient but not even enough new to be considered up to date. The main library of the town was located in the centre, near a high school and a modern office building, this was rather small in comparison, but it gave off what Chanyeol considered a much more “real” feeling. Libraries were supposed to be like this, in his opinion – old, a little ruined, with the lingering scent of paper and dust filling the air. It was mostly attended by old people and children, since it had a fairly nice children’s section, and the students were quite rare, since many of them preferred the biggest library, which was way more updated.

The real surprise was the inner garden, which held a special place in Chanyeol’s heart. It could be accessed just from a small glass door in the rear of the common reading room, and not many people knew about its existence. It was a secluded, rather shabby place, were wild herbs grew wild and grass could definitely use a good trim, but Chanyeol believed it had some sort of charm. There was something strangely aesthetic, and maybe even romantic, in the way the ivy vines crept up over the walls, or almost swallowed an old and mouldy stone bench. What Chanyeol liked the most was the small pond in a corner, were a few koi carps lived, swimming peacefully under the water lilies. He even took the habit to feed them, throwing them some crumbs from his midnight snack.

He stretched out his arms, feeling refreshed just by the thought of leaving the suffocating cubicle. Even if he already did his night patrol round, nobody would have minded if he did another.

He grabbed his flashlight, then he strolled out of the guard office, listening to the sound of his shoes squeaking on the marble floors. Whistling softly, he strolled through the corridors, the shelves and the great reading room, heading towards the glass door that led to the garden. He opened the old-fashioned lock with the key he kept attached to his belt, then he breathed in the night air.

Above his head, he could see the dark sky shimmering with stars, and for a moment, his lungs felt less constricted, and his breathing eased out.

Then he heard it. A faint thud, and then some rustling.

He froze on the spot, startled. Instinctively, his right hand went to the gun he kept in the holster attached to his belt, even if he never used it once since he was given a few lessons a lot of time before. His mind was caught in a weird mixture of feelings, something in between “of fuck there’s a thief” and “if he’s armed I’m really screwed because I can’t shoot to save my life”. Still, he knew he couldn’t just stand there like an idiot pretending he saw nothing.

Maybe, after all, it was just a stray cat.

“Who’s there?” he cried out, pointing the flashlight towards the source of the noise. He heard some rustling again, and then a human figure suddenly jumped out of the shadows, running madly towards the brick walls.

“Stop!” Chanyeol yelled, starting to run as well. “Stop right there!”

He knew what was happening. The man – he was pretty sure he was a man, even if he couldn’t see properly in the dark – wanted to climb up the wall and then jump in the street to run away. He had no idea what he could possibly be doing by night in a small secluded garden, but he had the feeling it couldn’t be anything good, and it was his duty to chase him away. Wobbling in his hand while he ran, the eye of the flashlight showed a slender silhouette wearing a hoodie which concealed its face.

“Wait” Chanyeol barked, feeling more sure of himself now that it was clear that the trespasser was just trying to run away. “In case you didn’t know, there are security cams all over this place, and your face has already been filmed.”

The man froze on the spot, looking, from the hunched up position of his shoulders and the evident puffing of his breath in the cool air, absolutely terrified.

Chanyeol slowly took a step towards him. “You’re not allowed to stay here” he stated. “Please, show me your ID card without opposing resistance.”

Seeing him approaching, the man stepped back, bumping against the brick wall.

“Show me your face” Chanyeol ordered, but he kept his head ducked down, probably attempting to hide his features.

Something, in the trespasser’s attitude let Chanyeol understand that he wasn’t there to spray paint the walls or to vandalise anything. Keeping the flashlight pointed towards him, he saw that he was holding a small backpack and a paper bag, and that he wore what totally looked like the sweatpants of a gym school uniform.

 _Shit_ , he thought, _he’s just a boy_.

He lowered the flashlight, feeling terrible. And thinking that he even considered taking out his gun, just to scare him away. “Do you need help?” he asked, trying to make the nervousness into his voice disappear. “Shall I call 911?”

The boy frantically shook his head no. Now that he got a little closer, Chanyeol could see his narrow shoulders shaking with fear.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, previously” he said. “I must have scared the hell out of you. It’s just that you shouldn’t be here at night, it might be dangerous. There’s a pond over there, and it’s kind of hidden by all the herbs and stuff. It’s not that deep, but the water is freezing.”

The boy glanced towards the corner, looking puzzled. Probably he didn’t even realize about the presence of the pond, which was literally invisible in the night except for the vague putrid smell it gave off. Chanyeol took another step towards him. “Are you hurt? Were you running from something?”

“D-don’t come any closer” the boy suddenly stuttered. Chanyeol complied, raising his hands slightly to show him he meant no harm. His voice was broken by fear, but it definitely didn’t belong to a child. The boy was short and thin, and he looked in his teens. He just hoped he wasn’t an abused minor or something like that. He was wearing a pair of canvas trainers, the kind which was popular among adolescents, and his feet looked absurdly small.

“Did you run away from home?” Chanyeol insisted. “Are you lost?”

“Stay away from me!” the boy yelled. He was panting, and the desperate whimpers coming from his mouth were starting to worry Chanyeol. What if he was on the verge of a panic attack, or something like that? He knew nothing about first aid.

“Listen” he began, forcing his voice to become quiet and convincing, “I won’t do anything bad to you. I give you my word.” He paused, trying to read from the body language of the boy if he understood him, and when he got no noticeable reaction from him he took another step towards him.

“My name is Chanyeol” he said. “And yours?”

The boy refused to reply, but his hurried breathing seemed to slow down a little. He was studying him, and Chanyeol knew he had to be smart, or he could start hyperventilating again and get really sick. What was he supposed to do, though? Assuring he was okay and then sending him away in the streets? It seemed wrong, honestly. He was too young to be alone by night, and the block wasn’t exactly a peaceful one. There would be homeless people around, or drug dealers desperate for money. Maybe, after all, he would really need to call police, or at least the emergency number of social services. Now that he was closer, he could easily read the patch on the gym pants worn by the boy. It said Sacred Heart High School, and it almost made him smile.

“You go to the Sacred Heart? I was a student there as well. How’s father Joseph? Is he still the principal or did he retire already?”

The boy kept his mouth sealed, but he glanced towards him, showing his face for the first time. Half-hidden in the depths of the hood, Chanyeol saw a small, smooth face contorted in a mask of anguish.

“Will you call someone?” he asked.

Chanyeol shook his head. “No. I know it’s not my business, but what are you doing here, at this time of the night? It’s cold, and you are not properly dressed.”

Actually, he noticed that besides the hooded sweater and the gym pants, the boy wasn’t wearing a coat or a scarf, and it was already mid October, so the nights were getting cold. As if his words suddenly reminded him of it, the boy shivered, bringing his lithe fingers, half-hidden by his long cuffs, to wipe his runny nose. His hands were covered in frostbites. 

Suddenly, Chanyeol decided to change tactics. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

The boy looked at him again. “I have no money.”

“It’s my treat. You look like you could definitely use spending some time inside, but I can’t get you inside the building or I’ll probably be fired. You know... security cams. But at least I can bring you something from the vending machine.”

There was something, about that boy, that really compelled him not to give up on him. Chanyeol knew there was something fishy about a boy attending a private school going alone by night trespassing private properties... but he wasn’t keen on just calling police or letting it slide.

“Just stay here” Chanyeol said. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

He ran inside, hurrying towards the vending machine in the reading room. He inserted a few coins and he selected a cup of black tea with a lot of sugar for the boy, because he totally looked like he might have appreciated it.

On his way back, though, he was hit by a feeling of deep uneasiness. He walked faster towards the glass door, trying clumsily not to spill the hot liquid on the floor, but when he pushed it he had the confirmation that he wasn’t wrong.

The boy was gone.

A weird, very weird mix of feelings took over Chanyeol. He was disappointed, mainly. That little prick took advantage of his soft heart to run away like a rat... but really, he couldn’t get that Sacred Heart patch away from his head. It wasn’t long since Chanyeol stopped attending that school, and he believed that things still worked the same way. Boys and girls would live in a dorm located next to the main building, and they would be very rarely allowed to get out of the school, mostly to visit their families, always for short periods of time and surely not by night. Also, the security was pretty tight.

Why that boy was out in the cold, all by himself? Did he run away?

Still too dumbfounded to think straight, Chanyeol took a sip of the now lukewarm tea, and then grimaced, disgusted. His attempt to make it strong and sweet just made it undrinkable.

\---oOo---

Since it was still the dead of the night, Chanyeol locked the glass door again and went back to his cubicle, checking nervously every monitor. When everything looked normal to him, he finally calmed down.

The next thing he did was checking the internet on his phone for any missing highschooler in the town. He stumbled upon so many pictures of missing teens that he ended up feeling sick on his stomach. The small pictures looked all taken from school records, and they all showed young boys and girl staring dead-eyed at the camera. After a while, they all looked similar to him, but none of them reminded him of the boy he met in the garden.

Chanyeol thought that there wasn’t anything particularly pretty or peculiar about his face, but what really left a deep impression on him were his eyes. He had never seen so much sadness into a person’s eyes.

After checking all the pictures, he found out that just a person was missing from the Sacred Heart high school, but it was a female, a senior student coming from China. If the boy chose that night to run away, though, maybe the police wasn’t informed yet, since it was unlikely that the school would realize about his absence until morning.

He took his head between his hands, worried. What was he supposed to do?

In the end, he dialled the police number and he told them everything he saw, the Sacred Heart patch, the fact that the boy wasn’t wearing any coat, the small luggage he carried around and the paper bag, which totally looked like a convenience store’s one. The agent he spoke to thanked him, saying that they would perform a check at the school immediately.

When his shift was over, Chanyeol walked home feeling somewhat reassured. At least he reported to the police, absolving to his civil duty. The boy’s eyes were still on his mind as he entered his flat and took off his shoes, though, and they never left him as he showered and changed into his favourite tracksuit and slippers.

He lied down on the couch, flipping though the TV channels, but he lost interest quickly. He felt so restless that sleeping really wasn’t even an option, even if he was dead tired and every bone of his ached. He glanced towards the kitchen counter, where he knew he kept some sleeping pills, but he quickly shrugged the thought away. He hated the drowsiness the meds gave him, because it lingered even after he woke up, making him feel even more tired than before. Also, he was afraid of becoming dependent on them, so he used them very rarely, just when he really needed to black out and sleep.

This was what his life was focused on, lately. His insomnia was severe, and it was poisoning his existence. His mother had been nagging him for a while, telling that he needed to see a specialist, but Chanyeol didn’t want to. What if he would be diagnosed with something really serious? He didn’t want to be a burden for his mother. She was a divorced woman, and she was struggling with her small salary.

Saddened by those unpleasant thoughts, he got up from the couch and prepared a big cup of tea for himself, then he sat by the window to glance into the street. For a while, he looked at the block slowly coming to life, while white collars and students hurried to catch the bus and the shop windows began to light up. He smiled a little, remembering how he was afraid to get home in the wee hours of the day, all alone in the dark, fearing that some robber would jump at him from behind. He got used to it amazingly fast, and now it was just part of his routine. He lost himself in his thoughts, staring lazily at a housewife carrying some heavy bags towards the dumpster. It was just when the woman put a smaller bag in one of those containers to collect old clothes and shoes for charity, that a bell rang loudly in his brains.

He assumed the boy was a high school student just because he wore some school uniform jerseys... but what if he got it all wrong?

He tried remembering. When he asked him about it, the boy didn’t look concerned. Actually, he asked him if he was going to call _someone_.

Someone, not the school.

Slowly, Chanyeol shook his head. The boy looked young, but nothing could actually prove that he was still a teen. He was short and slender, maybe even a little underfed, but that wasn’t exactly surprising, if he lived in the streets. The more he thought about it, the more his idea looked convincing. The paper bag, the old and stained backpack, even his clothes, everything looked donated, or at least seemed to come from a thrift shop.

 _But wait. Minors, in Korea, are all strictly classified and kept under control in orphanages or religious institutes_. Then, was he already legal? And why was he strolling around all by himself in the middle of the night?

Chanyeol raked his brain. The boy trespassed the library’s garden’s wall to take shelter. Maybe he managed to buy something at the nearest Seven Eleven with his last few coins, and then he decided to have a solitary meal in the silent garden. The mere mental image was enough to make Chanyeol’s stomach churn.

Where would he be, in that moment? Was he okay?

The more he thought about it, actually, the more he convinced himself that that boy was running away from something.

He checked the missing people’s records again, just in case, this time widening the search’s parameters, but the list he stumbled upon was so long he soon got discouraged. There were at least a thousand missing young men who went from nineteen to twenty-five years old, only in Seoul. Some of them reminded him of the boy he met in the garden, but their description didn’t seem to fit completely. There also was the chance that he wasn’t a Korean citizen, but an illegal Chinese immigrant. If that was the case, he wouldn’t be in any record.

He shut down his phone, a tremendous headache pressing on his temples.

\---oOo---

The following night, he got back to work without expecting anything. He got bored in the cubicle as usual, he checked the monitors as usual and he did his patrol round like usual. Nothing happened. This is why, when he turned the key in the glass door’s lock again, he wasn’t prepared for what he saw.

He heard the rustling first, this time too. He directed the flashlight towards the source of the noise, and he saw the boy.

He had been obviously dozing off on the stone bench, and he almost rolled on the grass when he heard him coming. He was there, half-sitting half laying, panting hard, staring at him with those big, frightened eyes.

This time, Chanyeol looked at him more closely. He was still wearing the Sacred Heart pants and that light sweater, but this time he was visibly shivering.

“Stay put” Chanyeol said, lowering down the flashlight, “I’ll bring you a cup of tea. Just don’t run away this time, okay?”

The boy stared at him. In the darkness, his face looked as light and pale as if it was made of bones, and there was a visible bruise over his right eyebrow. “Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked.

Slowly, and very cautiously, the boy nodded. He was still trembling, but now it was impossible telling if he was doing it because of the cold or because of the tension that was wracking him. He looked ready to jump on his feet and run at any moment, and Chanyeol actually found himself wondering why he was so scared of him. He wasn’t threatening him or anything.

“Just don’t run away like yesterday, okay? It’s cold, and since I can’t allow you inside, I can at least offer you something hot to warm your tummy.” He paused, actually considering the idea of letting the boy in the library hall or whatever, just to tear him away from the wet and mouldy bench, which already left stains all over his clothes. He sighed. “Don’t worry. I’m not calling police or anything. Just... just don’t be scared of me, okay? I just can’t stand the feeling of you being alone and freezing in here.”

He went to the vending machine and selected a XL cup of strong black tea, just like the previous time. He added a lot of sugar, and he also snatched up an additional package of cookies. Just in case.

When he got back, holding the flashlight with his teeth since his hands were both busy, he noticed that the boy was still on the bench, this time waiting in a proper sitting position, with his hands hidden between his thighs, probably to warm them.

Slowly, Chanyeol tried approaching him, and he wasn’t surprised when the boy jerked away, ready to run. He was acting like a startled animal, and Chanyeol vaguely wondered what the hell would he have seen or felt before finding the secluded garden. “Easy, easy. I’m just putting it here.”

He actually put the steamy cup on the garden stones, then he backed away until he felt the cool surface of the glass door against himself.

The boy studied him for a while, then he finally moved and came to grab the cup and the cookies, before sitting back on the bench and starting to tear the package open. Chanyeol watched him shove his hand inside and bringing a few to his mouth, chewing on them feverishly.

“Did you eat anything, today?” he asked, feeling a pang of pity.

“No” the boy curtly replied, before sweeping his thumb over his lower lip to collect all the crumbs. He was really starving, and Chanyeol regretted not having more coins in his purse.

“I’m sorry, but this is all I have.”

The boy shrugged, devouring the last biscuits as if he was afraid that Chanyeol could regret his idea and actually claim the sweets back. When he got the whole package cleared, he started sipping on the tea, holding the cup with both hands to warm his fingers against it. He even brought it to his cheek, holding the hot paper recipient against his freezing skin.

 _God in Heavens,_ Chanyeol thought. _Where the hell do you come from?_

“That bruise” he pressed on, “do you need something for it?”

“No” the boy replied, still holding the cup against his face, his eyes closed.

Chanyeol stayed motionless, watching as he drank the tea. He was piteously dirty, with his hair all greasy and his face streaked in grime. His nails, he noticed, were ringed black. “Can I...”

“Please” the boy interrupted him, annoyed, “just shut the fuck up. Thank you for buying me this stuff, I really appreciate it, but now don’t pretend you care, okay? Just... return to your business. Don’t you have work to do?”

“Yeah” Chanyeol replied, matter-of-factly, “my job should be throwing you out of here. But I can’t do it to a starving minor which probably just took a beating and looks terrible.”

The boy blinked. “Do I look like a minor to you...?”

“You are not?” Chanyeol insisted, suspicious.

“I’m not a minor!” the boy insisted, sounding outraged. “I’m twenty-one!”

Chanyeol snorted a laugh. “Really.”

“I swear it’s true!”

“Fine, Mr Legal. Then let me look for a band-aid for your brow, or you’ll bleed inside your tea and I don’t think it will taste good afterwards.”

The boy was going to protest again, but he actually touched his bruise, looking surprised to notice the traces of blood over his fingertips when he checked them. “Fuck. It must be the cold” he said.

“Where do you come from?” Chanyeol casually asked, rummaging into his pockets. He was sure he kept at least one band-aid in his wallet, a habit he got from his mother. But this was the boy’s turn to snort.

“As if I’m telling you.”

“Fine, don’t tell. How did you get hurt, then?”

The boy’s face darkened. “A man hit me because I laid down to sleep in the alley where he usually does.”

Chanyeol’s heart was caught in a vise, but he struggled to keep a straight face. “I’m getting close just to stick the plaster over your bruise, okay? Don’t get startled.”

“What? I can put it on by myself.”

“Without a mirror? I don’t think so. Now stay still...”

“Ow.” The boy winced when he stuck the plaster over his bruise. His smell was terrible, and from the way his Adam apple and the tendons in his neck were sticking out, Chanyeol could tell he hadn’t had a decent meal in a lot of time.

“Well...”

“What, now?” the boy grunted, looking around for his ragged backpack. “I’ll go away, don’t worry.”

“No, actually I was wondering...”

The boy’s shoulders hunched forward slightly. “I’m not a whore. I might be penniless, but I won’t sell my ass for a few cookies. So...”

“No, no” Chanyeol said, feeling his cheeks getting warm from embarrassment. “I just wanted to suggest you could use the library’s restroom to get washed, if you want.”

The boy stared at him, his eyes widening. “Is this place a library? Totally doesn’t look like one.”

“I know, but there are no security cams from here until the gentlemen’s restroom door... I don’t know, you could wash your hair and get a little... uh, comfortable, I think. You just need to do it before five o’clock, when my colleague will be here.”

The boy looked tempted, but still tried to resist. “And who assures me you won’t call police as soon as I lock myself inside, uh?”

“Well...”

“And that you won’t assault me while I’m naked?”

“Nobody, really” Chanyeol replied, feeling exhausted, “but I give you my word. I won’t bother you.”

Half an hour back, the boy came out of the toilet. His hair were still slightly wet, but now Chanyeol  could see it was dyed blonde, even if it let show a good chunk of black around the roots. He was wearing the Sacred Heart sweatpants and a white tee from whom his terribly thin arms were sticking out. When he bent down to rummage into his backpack, he believed he could count his vertebrae.

“I heard the nuns of the convent of the Holy Spirit offer free soup at lunchtime to... err, people like you” Chanyeol blurted out, embarrassed. The boy actually caught him staring.

“You meant for homeless people like me?” The boy stifled a half-hearted laughter, getting back inside the restroom. This time though, he kept the door slightly open, letting Chanyeol see while he pressed many times the hand-dryer’s button to dry his hair. Judging from the way he contorted under the warm air’s jet, he looked like he wasn’t new to that kind of things.

“Well” Chanyeol said, because staying silent was slowly driving him crazy, “my name is  Chanyeol, and I’m twenty-three. Since I suffer of a severe kind of insomnia, I became a night guard at this place.”

He hoped the boy would tell him something about himself, encouraged by his example, but the boy just stood up, fixing his hair with his fingers in front of the mirror. “So, you became a night guard because you are an insomniac? Am I really supposed to believe to this?”

Chanyeol lowered his gaze, terribly self-conscious. “Well” he muttered, “I’m not good at staying awake during the day, hence I’m not exactly suitable to work at a department store or at any other normal place were normal people shed their sweat.”

“Really?” the boy asked, impressed and, Chanyeol noticed, even somewhat respectful. “Is it this bad?”

“I’m used to it.”

“Well” the boy replied, raising his gaze so that their eyes could meet in the mirror, “sounds hard.” His eyes were dark brown, deep and very attractive.

 _Oh, please_. Chanyeol sighed. Just how pathetic was he, standing there watching a homeless guy getting clean in a library’s bathroom, brooding about his shitty life? Because well, it wasn’t like he was going to get something from him... and surely not his pity.

The boy, though, was still looking at him.

“I...” he began, suddenly averting his gaze, “I am sorry I trespassed the garden’s walls. Will you be in trouble because of it?”

Chanyeol blinked. “Well...”

The boy lowered his gaze, putting back his filthy hooded sweater. “I mean, surely my face is all over security tapes and whatever. Will you get in trouble, for just letting me be like this?”

“Well” Chanyeol murmured again, scratching on the back of his head, unsure of how to go on, but then he noticed the boy’s troubled expression and he stopped.

“Please” the boy pleaded, “let me stay there. I won’t harm anyone. Can’t you, I don’t know, shut down a couple cameras?”

“I might have lied a little” Chanyeol admitted, feeling terrible. “There are no security cams in the garden.”

The boy blinked, surprised, then he looked around. “Oh” he replied, puzzled. “Oh, good. I was starting to get paranoid about it. I mean, what if my face was all over tapes or whatever? I’d be a criminal.” He let out a nervous laughter, but he stopped soon, looking pensive. “Don’t look like that” he said. “I know you lied because when we met you were just trying to scare me away. Don’t feel bad about it. It’s your job.”

Chanyeol blinked. Was the boy trying to _comfort_ him, of all things? He silently watched him as he put back on his shoes. His feet were so small.

“I think” he said, carefully putting the words together, “that since nobody ever really told me to guard the garden, and since there are no cams in there, I could just let you sleep there pretending I know nothing. But” he added, frowning, “it will get colder, soon. And what about when it rains?”

The boy shrugged. “I’ll think of something.”

“Oh, my God.”

Outside, it was already getting clear. “It’s half past four” Chanyeol announced, actually surprised, because the night really flew, “I think it’s better if you go, now. Do you have a place to go?”

“Well” the boy mumbled, “I’ll go check those nuns’ place you mentioned before. I just hope they won’t ask for my ID card, though... I don’t have it anymore.”

“Really?”

“Got it stolen, along as my phone.” Suddenly, the boy turned and shot him a bright smile. “Life sucks, doesn’t it?”

“It does indeed” Chanyeol agreed, absently shaking the hand the boy was sticking out. He hadn’t been prepared for that smile. It left a deep impression on him, and it definitely stirred something deep inside of his guts. “Well... I guess I’ll see you again, then.”

“Just make sure to keep your word, okay? See you. And thank you.”

 _But I did nothing_ , Chanyeol thought, his head spinning while he watched the boy casually walk outside in the cold wearing just his t-shirt, getting goosebumps all over his arms. Under his gaze, he easily climbed the old wall and jumped in the street, waving at him once before disappearing.

\---oOo---

When he got home, he instinctively went to the fridge to grab something to eat. He was hungry, since he didn’t indulge in his usual midnight snack, but he found himself staring at the food, unable to stand the thought of getting some into his stomach. He kept remembering the way the boy’s bones showed underneath his skin.

In the end, he brewed some coffee and he sat near the window, absently watching the street coming to life. His eyes were heavy, but his heart was even heavier. He ended up on his phone again, checking the missing people’s record for the third time.

There was no reason to believe what the boy told him, but he actually narrowed the search to the twenty-oners, getting just a handful of results. With his heart thumping loudly in his temples, he carefully set aside the foreigners, the females and those who didn’t look like the boy he met in the slightest. When he obtained just one picture, he stared at it, feeling strangely restless.

The photo was blurry, surely taken from an ID card or a driving license, but Chanyeol was sure it was him. He recognized easily that pointed chin, those high cheekbones and that vulnerable gaze.

The missing boy’s name was Byun Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun” he murmured, savouring the name on his lips before reading further. There wasn’t much information about him, actually. Apparently, the boy was an orphan, and he had been in foster care until he reached his legal age. Afterwards, he stayed at his last foster home “as an assistant”, and he disappeared two months before, when he got out to do grocery shopping and never returned. Since then, his phone gave off no signal, and he never called the foster home once. The record invited those who had news to share to call the missing people’s office at the local police department.

An assistant at a foster home, Chanyeol thought, looking at the picture. He enlarged it, trying to detect if the boy’s eyes gave off the same sadness he saw. The more he stared at it, the more he felt sure. The record mentioned that the boy tended to look younger than his age.

It was him.

He dialled the police’s number, ready to call it, but then he hesitated before pushing the green button.

Something didn’t feel quite right.

Chanyeol stared blankly at his phone, trying to think. What if he was running from something? What if he chose personally to do that? He must have his good reasons, right?

Maybe he should just mind his business.

Around ten in the morning, he felt horribly tired. The drowsiness and the headache were driving him crazy, so he actually tried laying down on his bed. He fell in a fitful slumber until dinner time.

When he went to work, at ten p.m., he brought along a blanket. The daytime’s guard laughed at him for it. “What, are you afraid of getting a cold?”

Chanyeol just politely smiled back, waiting for him to go away. He went for his patrol round around midnight, way earlier than usual, and when he went in the garden he found the boy asleep on the stone bench, all curled up in a tight ball, using his old and stinky backpack as a pillow to support his head.

Slowly, trying not to wake him up, he laid the blanked over his body and then left, getting back in his cubicle.

It was around three in the morning that he heard a soft tapping noise. He stood, knowing perfectly from where it came. He walked quickly in the silent corridors, reaching quickly the glass door. Behind it, he could see a small silhouette contoured by the night, draped in his blanket.

“Thank you for this” the boy murmured when he unlocked the door, “but I’ve already told you I can’t pay.”

Chanyeol smiled. “Don’t worry for that. I couldn’t stand the thought of you freezing in here.”

The boy looked at him. He was way shorter than him, and he had to tilt his head in order to look at him in the eyes. Now Chanyeol was sure he wasn’t wrong. He was really the boy he saw in the police record, the one disappeared from the foster home.

“Sorry if I ask it so abruptly” he said, licking his lips, “but you are Byun Baekhyun, right?”

The boy’s eyes widened. “How do you know?”

Chanyeol lowered his gaze. The boy didn’t look pleased with him. “I might have looked through the police records of missing people a little” he admitted. “At first I thought you were a teenager, but then you told me you were twenty-one years old, and I found you pretty easily.”

The boy closed his eyes and shook his head. He looked overwhelmed, and Chanyeol didn’t quite understand his reaction. He was half-expecting him to yell at him, but actually he looked philosophical with his revelation. “Well...”

“Police is already here?” the boy, Baekhyun, suddenly asked. “Please, I need to know.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I didn’t call them.”

Baekhyun shot a glance at him.  “What? Why?”

He looked scared, maybe thinking that Chanyeol could want something from him in return, and Chanyeol was quick to reassure him. “It didn’t feel right to me, to call them without talking to you first” he said. “I mean, it’s obvious you are running away from something. For some reason, involving police didn’t seem the smartest thing to do.”

Baekhyun visibly relaxed, sighing deeply. “You guessed right” he replied, but then he said nothing, just staring blankly in emptiness, nibbling on his lower lip.

Chanyeol had to avert his gaze, because seeing him like that was actually hurting him more than he expected. “Was it the foster home?” he asked, fearing the answer. “Did someone hurt you there?” He heard some pretty frightful stories about adolescent being mistreated while in foster care. Baekhyun was a little too old for that, but his youthful appearance could be very deceiving.

“No, no” he said. “I liked it. I was an assistant there, you know? Helping out little kids doing their homework, cleaning around, mowing the lawn and stuff. It was nice, before...” He abruptly stopped, suddenly opening his eyes wide. 

“Before what?” Chanyeol gently urged him. He lowered his voice without thinking, knowing by instinct that Baekhyun needed comfort, in a moment like that.

“Just before” the other murmured, looking blank again. “Anyway, good job. You actually did best that most of police, finding out about me like this. Have you ever thought about becoming an officer?”

“I can’t” Chanyeol softly reminded him. “You know... insomnia, and stuff.”

“Oh” Baekhyun said, looking puzzled, “you’re right, I’m sorry.”

“I actually tried the entrance exam two times, but I always failed the psychological test. Apparently, I’m unfit to be a policeman.”

Baekhyun was looking at him, and when he yawned, Chanyeol invited him inside. “If we sit just near this door, no cams will tape us. And at least you won’t be freezing outside.”

They ended up sitting on the cool tiles, talking softly to each other. There wasn’t any real need to whisper, since the library was empty and the cams couldn’t record any noises, but the big, silent building somehow compelled them to do it. Baekhyun was still keeping Chanyeol’s blanket tightly wrapped around his body.

“I know I’m asking a lot” Baekhyun said, after some small talk, “but do you think I might use the library’s restroom again? I feel filthy.”

“Actually” Chanyeol found himself replying, “you could just come at my place. I’d like to offer you a decent meal and clean clothes.”

“I can’t” Baekhyun weakly protested, “it’s too much.” But it was clear that the idea of being inside a warm house, actually sitting at a table and getting under a real shower was tempting him. “You might get into trouble for this.”

“Why? You are not a criminal.” _You are just someone who needs to get away from his life for a while and needs to stay safe meanwhile_ , he thought, since he lacked the courage to say it aloud. _There’s nothing wrong with it._

Baekhyun was quivering. “I swear” he whispered, “I swear I won’t rob you or damage you in any ways. I swear it.”

“It’s okay, really...” _Are you cold?_ That was what Chanyeol was about to say, concerned with the way the boy’s shoulders suddenly started shaking, but when he saw the tears gathering into his eyes, he quickly looked elsewhere. Without talking, he handed him a tissue, which Baekhyun accepted without a word, and he stared at the wall across the room as the boy sobbed inside of it.

“I’m sorry” Baekhyun tried justifying himself when he could talk again, “I was just... uh...”

“I said it’s okay” Chanyeol softly soothed him. “My shift will be over at five o’ clock, but you need to be out of here by that time. I’ll pick you up in the street, next to the brick wall, okay?”

Baekhyun looked at him, his eyes red. “Okay” he said, before leaning his head over his bent knees, “thank you.”

\---oOo---

A few hours later, Chanyeol was in his kitchen, shredding cabbage leaves on a cutting board. He could hear the noise of the water falling in the shower, and the light humming of Baekhyun while he sung quietly to himself. The boy had a good voice, he thought, amused, before returning to his cabbage. After shredding it, he added it to some beaten eggs, spring onions and thinly cut carrots. He seasoned the mixture, then he splashed it into a hot frying pan.

He always liked cooking. It was something simple, which actually made him feel proud of the results. He would have liked cooking some meat for Baekhyun, but his fridge was empty, and all he could put together was plain rice with cabbage pancakes. He still had his mother’s batch of kimchi, though, which would have made everything taste better.

When he turned, he saw that Baekhyun came out of the bathroom, and was sitting a little awkwardly on his couch, looking around. Chanyeol’s smallest pair of trousers hung around his hips like some Japanese piece of clothing, but at least now he was clean and refreshed. Previously, Chanyeol insisted to stuff all  Baekhyun’s dirty clothes in the washing machine, along as his filthy backpack and shoes.

“I knew it, my clothes are too big for you” he said, trying to make the boy feel at ease. Baekhyun’s efforts to be polite until the very last moment, trying to turn down his invitation even when they actually met after Chanyeol’s shift beside the brick wall, were touching, but Chanyeol somehow managed not to mess everything up, and actually convinced him to stay for a while. The rational part of him kept screaming that he was being irresponsible, accepting an unknown in his own house, but the irrational one, which sounded much more convincing, actually kept murmuring that he did the right thing. And Chanyeol wanted to believe it so badly.

“They’re more than okay” Baekhyun replied. “I actually got shocked when I saw the size. It is just a size bigger than what I used to wear...” he bit on his lip, avoiding to go on. Chanyeol smiled, trying to reassure him. If he didn’t want to explain, it was okay.

He was about to say something, when his phone buzzed from the table. Baekhyun looked at the screen. “It’s a voicemail” he said.

“Probably my mom’s” Chanyeol said, moving the pan around to make the pancake flip over. “Put it on speaker mode, please, and let me hear it.”

It was a man’s voice, though, which resounded in the small kitchen. “Chanyeol, it’s me, Kris. I was wondering if you are okay, since it’s been a while. I’ve got these free tickets for a musical, it’s some Broadway’s stuff, can’t remember the title but looks nice. I don’t know, we might go together? I miss you. Please call me back, even to say no, okay?” A little pause, where the speaker creaked and buzzed. “See ya.”

Chanyeol blinked, looking at the pancake getting slightly burnt around the edges, and he quickly let it slide on a platter. “Thanks” he said to Baekhyun, his voice a little unstable, “please, delete it.”

“Aren’t you answering?” the boy looked surprised, but Chanyeol saw him complying to his request, actually deleting the voicemail.

Chanyeol squirted some ketchup over the pancake. “No.”

“Why?”

The rice cooker rang, and Chanyeol scooped the steaming grains in two cups. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh, okay.” Baekhyun rose from the couch, coming next to him. “May I help you with something?” He smelled faintly like Chanyeol’s shampoo.

“Just bring these at the table” Chanyeol replied, handing him two cups and plates. His hands were shaking a little, but thankfully Baekhyun wasn’t as clumsy as him and managed to take everything before he could drop it.

They finished arranging the meal immersed in silence, until Chanyeol brought the pancakes on the table, along with a couple glasses and chopsticks. “Wow” Baekhyun said, “looks delicious.”

“Taste it before judging” Chanyeol replied, bashful, but he was pleased to notice how Baekhyun started to chew on his food enthusiastically. It actually encouraged him to take a couple bites, even if his stomach was still knotted because of Kris’ phone call. That guy had the gift to guess the exact moment when he was the most unguarded and vulnerable, to call him and remind him of his existence. “You know, Kris had been my boyfriend for almost two years.”

Baekhyun winced while drinking a sip of water. “You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to...”

Chanyeol, though, needed to let it out. “We got along fairly well, until I stopped sleeping and started to mess with my life. He started pressing me to go see a specialist, and I dumped him. See, there’s nothing to hide about it.”

Baekhyun was staring at him, his expression unreadable. “It must have been hard, though” he said, putting down his chopsticks.

“Not really” Chanyeol murmured, staring at his plate and playing around with the food. “It actually helped us both to understand that we weren’t much compatible with each other. He still calls me, from time to time, usually when he doesn’t have anyone else to fuck.”

Baekhyun cleared his throat, looking embarrassed at Chanyeol’s frankness. “I’m sorry” he added. “Does it make you uncomfortable, knowing that I’m a gay man? I should have told it sooner, probably.”

Baekhyun looked pensive for a moment, then drank another bit of water. “A bit” he admitted, sheepish.

“Don’t worry” Chanyeol bitterly blurted out, “I won’t assault you or anything. I was sincere, when I told you can stay here as long as you want.”

Baekhyun gave him a half smile. “Oh, I got that. You had plenty of occasions to take advantage of me, one above all, when I was asleep in the library’s garden.” He looked at him, and suddenly, his eyes _smiled_ , making Chanyeol’s stomach twist again, but this time pleasantly. “I tend to appreciate integrity and generosity, when I recognize them. And if I can say it, that Kris dude really sounds like an asshole to me.”

Chanyeol smiled. He couldn’t believe how those words made him feel proud of himself. For once in his life, he did something good. Those compliments actually made the still existent barrier between them feel a little thinner, as if they were getting closer with small baby steps.

“Thanks for the meal” Baekhyun said. “I can do the dishes, if you want...”

“Nah, I have a dishwasher for that. More importantly, you can have my bed. You totally look like you could use a good sleep.”

Baekhyun, apparently, wasn’t good at concealing his emotions. The relief spreading through his lithe features before he could stop himself were touching. “But... but it’s your bed” he tried protesting, “I mean, I could sleep on the couch... or on the floor.”

“Don’t even think about it” Chanyeol said, putting the dishes in the dishwater and rinsing the pan in the sink, “also, I’m the insomniac, remember? I don’t really need it.”

“Thank you” Baekhyun whispered. “Really, thank you. I mean it.”

Chanyeol looked at him, his heart caught in a vise. When Baekhyun made that face, he looked especially young, especially small and vulnerable. If they met in another circumstance, he would have gladly done everything he asked him to do. But Baekhyun was just a boy he met in the streets, and he wasn’t asking for anything.

“I said it’s okay” he replied, his throat tight. “Now go to sleep.”

It was just much later, when Baekhyun was snoring softly in his bed, and Chanyeol was sitting by the window, looking outside, that the misery and the delusion of his life all crashed upon him, all in the same moment. Maybe it was because of Kris’ prone call, or because of the lingering tension of the last few days, or even because he kept doubting about the still unknown boy asleep in his own bed, but honestly, it wasn’t so important.

Alone, Chanyeol cried until he felt too tired to go on.

\---oOo---

Baekhyun was still sleeping, when Chanyeol left to go to work. He actually considered waking him up, but when he went to check on him and he saw him immersed in deep slumber, all sprawled on his bed with his mouth agape and hair half-covering his face he really couldn’t do it. He ended up leaving a note of the table for him, saying he would be home around half past five in the morning. After a little thinking, he locked the front door before leaving. He had the distinct feeling that, whatever Baekhyun was running away from, it couldn’t have reached him inside of a locked flat. Also, he was pretty positive that the boy would have slept for most of the night.

When his shift was over, he practically ran home. He stopped briefly at a bakery to buy freshly made and still fragrant bread, because he suddenly felt a craving for some of his mother’s jam spreaded on a big slice of it. While he was climbing the stairs, his nostrils caught a familiar scent of detergent.

Carefully, he knocked on the door. “It’s me” he said, “I’m coming in.”

When he entered, he saw Baekhyun wearing his rubber gloves standing barefoot on the kitchen table to reach the lamp above with a duster. “Hello” he greeted him, quickly jumping on the floor. “I was cleaning a little while you were away.”

Chanyeol looked around, surprised. The floor had been mopped, the furniture carefully dusted, and everything was squeaky clean. His mother would have appreciated it, he immediately thought, biting on his lip to stifle his amusement. “Uh... a very nice thought. I’m afraid it was a little messy before, wasn’t it?”

“I didn’t mean it was dirty” Baekhyun quickly added, blushing, “I just... well, since you’ve brought me here, fed me and so on, I actually wanted to do something to repay you... and apparently I couldn’t think of anything better than cleaning around. Found the broomstick and whatever in the kitchen, and well.” He paused, then added, talking so quickly that Chanyeol struggled to understand, “not that it was unclean before honestly... I just basically wanted to do something, I guess...”

Chanyeol finally snorted a laughter. “It’s alright. I was aware of the dust bunnies collecting in the corners. I am just too lazy to pick the broomstick and shoo them away.”

Baekhyun idly scratched at his cheek, looking elsewhere, and Chanyeol put the bakery bag on the table. Obviously, he couldn’t tell him he looked terribly cute, rambling all red like a beet. “Up for a French-style breakfast?”

The atmosphere, though, wasn’t the best, while they sat around the table nibbling on some bread generously spread in peach jam and sipping some dark coffee. Baekhyun was still embarrassed from before and kept glancing elsewhere, and Chanyeol, for some reason, wasn’t able to tear his eyes away from him.

After a decent meal, some cleanliness and a good night of slumber he had to admit that Baekhyun looked kind of fine, even, if he had to be totally sincere, _hot_. Where was he watching exactly, when he met him in the library’s garden? How couldn’t he realize how gracious his face was, with its pointed chin, well-defined mouth and adorable eyes? At a certain moment, he found himself staring at Baekhyun’s hands, thinking that he never saw anything prettier.

_What are you doing, Park Chanyeol? Lusting after this boy already?_

“After this meal I’ll go” Baekhyun suddenly announced.

Chanyeol froze on the spot, for a second, absolutely unable to react to that statement. Encouraged by his silence, Baekhyun went on.

“I think I took advantage of your kindness in a lot of ways” he said, tormenting his fingers on his lap (very beautiful fingers, Chanyeol noticed). “I mean, you even brought me at home with you, treating me like a guest... I am immensely thankful for this, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget about your generosity. But now, I think I really gotta go.”

Chanyeol felt weird. A part of him was still feeling awkward having Baekhyun around, especially now that he began to be aware of the boy’s charms. On the other hand, though, he had to admit that he liked taking care of him. For some reason, it felt right. As if it could do good to Baekhyun, but also to himself.

He had known from the start, though, that it wasn’t going to last.

“I guess you’re right” he said, after a long silence. “Do you have a place to go, or...?”

Baekhyun sighed. “Frankly, no.”

 _What are you hiding? What are you running from?_ Suddenly, Chanyeol felt very, very tired. He had been up for something like forty hours, since he’d been so upset, after Kris’ phone call, on the previous day, that he couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

“If this is what you want, I’m alright with that” he forced himself to add, smiling even a little and sticking out his hand. “Well, good luck, then.”

Baekhyun shook his hand without looking at him in the eyes. “Thank you for everything you did for me” he repeated, his voice so low Chanyeol could barely hear him. His throat definitely felt tighter, though, when the boy collected his old backpack and put on his shoes. Only then he noticed that he wasn’t wearing his old clothes anymore, but that he took his thin jumper and Sacred Heart pants straight from the dryer.

“Goodbye” Baekhyun said, showing his teeth in a little smile which didn’t reach his eyes.

Chanyeol stayed put, unable to add anything, while he descended the stairs and went away. He ran at the window, glancing at him while he walked in the street, looking around before pulling the hood over his head and shoving his hands in his pockets. He considered running after him to offer him one of his coats, but he had the feeling the boy would have never accepted it.

He returned to the table and started idly munching on his bread again, thinking that it tasted like ash.

\---oOo---

Since that day, every time he was at work Chanyeol would check the library’s garden. Baekhyun, though, never showed up, and along with his presence in his life, Chanyeol completely lost his sleep.

He never felt so sick before. He kind of grew accustomed to his condition of chronic insomnia, and never really complained about it. This was the first time, though, that even the sleeping pills could do nothing for him, and he spent the days tossing and turning in his bed, a killer headache smashing his skull. He started having trouble keeping his balance when he stood and being alert when he needed to, and he kept dropping things, because his hands shook so hard to the point that he was afraid to handle anything that was made of glass. It was getting scary, and Chanyeol hated thinking that maybe Kris had been right from the start, and that he was just being an idiot for not going to see a doctor.

“What’s wrong with me?” he asked to himself, watching his reflection on the mirror. His left eye was red because a capillary vase broke, and his skin was dull and yellowish. If Kris had saw him in that moment, he would have stopped looking for him without thinking twice.

He met Baekhyun again after a month. He was at work, and he was staring at the monitors without really seeing them. He was feeling dead inside, unable to feel and focus on anything.

He dragged himself towards the vending machine for a cup of coffee, hoping that it would help him a little, and while he was there, waiting for the machine to finish, he found himself staring at the glass door, wondering what was the actual purpose of checking the garden every night, since it was obvious that Baekhyun would have never returned.

For what he knew, he could even be dead.

He reached out for the cup, but his fingers were shaking so much that he splashed some on the floor. He sat on his heels in front of the machine, his hands on his temples, hoping that the coffee could make the headache a little better. It was driving him crazy, and the pain was getting unbearable.

In that moment, he remembered the way Baekhyun’s eyes seemed to spark when he smiled.

“Just for today” he told to himself, staggering on his feet until the glass door. “Just for today, and if he’s not here I’ll stop checking.” Actually, he was hoping that a little fresh air could help him feeling better. He wasn’t really expecting anything.

The night air was cold and terribly humid, when he opened the door and took a step outside. It had been raining for days, and the rotten smell coming from the pond immediately made him feel sicker than ever. He tried breathing slowly to ease the nausea, and when he stood up from his bent position he saw a bundle of rags laying against the library’s wall.

His heart leaped.

 _I’m hallucinating_. He slowly took a step towards it, looking more closely.

He wasn’t seeing things. Baekhyun was there, all curled up in a weird position against the wall, his cheek leaning against a wide stain of mould. He was shivering hard, and his lips were blue because of the cold.

His body reacted quicker than his mind. He dashed by his side, feeling his forehead. It was burning.

“Baekhyun” he called him, shaking him gently, “Baekhyun, can you hear me?”

The boy barely showed any reaction, whimpering only a little. He was just semi-conscious.

“Fuck” Chanyeol cursed, “fuck.”

He reached for his pocket, taking out his phone. He stared at the screen for a moment, blank, a riddance of questions in his brains ( _am I doing the right thing? Is he sick? What’s going to happen now? Oh my God I can’t even take care of myself, what the fuck am I doing?_ ), but his fingers were already moving.

The voice of his daytime fellow guard resounded from the speaker. “The fuck you want, Park? It’s two in the morning.”

“I know, right?” Chanyeol replied, his other hand still on Baekhyun’s head. “I’m sorry, but I need you to fill in for me. I have a... uh... a pretty big problem going on at home at this moment and I really need to go.”

“What?” the man was puzzled. “Right now?”

“Yes, pal, I really owe you one. Thank you so much” Chanyeol blurted out, before ending the call.

“Hey, wait a moment, wha--”

Blinking, Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun. “Baekhyun, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m bringing you home with me. You are running a very high fever.”

The boy sighed, but kept his eyes closed. His beautiful fingers were covered in frostbites again, even if he desperately tried wrapping Chanyeol’s blanket around himself to keep warm. For some reason, that sight brought tears to Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Baekhyun” he repeated, softly, smoothing his dirty hair away from his face. The boy’s eyelids quivered.

Without adding anything, Chanyeol dragged him on his feet, somehow managing to make him lean on his back before starting to carry him piggyback-style. He weighed nothing on him.

He walked home in the empty streets, stopping from time to time to adjust the position of Baekhyun’s arms around his neck because they kept falling down. The boy looked drained, and by the time Chanyeol finally reached the threshold of his flat he completely lost consciousness, his forehead reclined on his shoulder. Chanyeol brought him inside a little clumsily, though he most delicately he was capable of.

“We’re almost there” he murmured, laying him on his bed, without really caring if he was dirty as hell and his clothes were wet. He inspected his medicines’ cabinet for some paracetamol, then he returned to his bedroom, along with a big glass of water. “Here, slowly” he whispered, holding the boy so that he could drink and swallow down the pill. He did it with difficulty, and then shivered violently when Chanyeol filled in a bag of ice and put it on his head.

He was still holding the bag, preventing it from falling on the pillow, when his eyes suddenly felt heavier than ever. _If I won’t sleep, I’ll get insane,_ he thought, looking at the boy asleep on his bed. He was so tiny he only occupied a small part of his queen-sized bed. _He’s passed out. He won’t mind if I lay down for a little while. He won’t even realize, probably_.

Carefully, trying not to disturb him, he climbed on the bed, keeping himself on the edge of the mattress, unwilling to invade Baekhyun’s private space. Baekhyun’s brows were furrowed, and from where he was he could hear he was gritting his teeth. Unable to stop himself, he reached out and smoothed down his sweaty hair, still holding the bag with a finger.

The sudden movement somehow managed to shook him awake for a short moment. Chanyeol watched, on pins and needles, as the boy peeled his eyes open and looked at him.

He smiled lightly.

“Hello” Baekhyun whispered, his voice hoarse, and then he closed his eyes again.

Chanyeol couldn’t believe the intensity of the feeling that engulfed him. Baekhyun was dirty and sick, but he still thought he was beautiful, while he seemed to relax ever so slightly under his gentle touch.

 _He returned_ , he told to himself, amazed, before closing his eyes, _just when I was about to give up on him, he returned_.

He fell asleep immediately, his eyelids as heavy as stones.


	2. Two

When he woke up, it was four in the afternoon. He blinked, flabbergasted. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept for so long. He felt incredibly good, while he pulled himself in a sitting position and then realized about the other warm body only inches away from him.

Baekhyun was still asleep, and Chanyeol’s hand was leaning on top of his head, since the bag of ice fell on the floor during the night. His cheeks were still red, but when Chanyeol felt his forehead, it didn’t feel as hot as before. The fever was improving, and even in his sleep the boy seemed a little more serene.

Chanyeol caught himself stroking his cheek with the tip of his finger, before resolving to stand up and going to make some tea. While the kettle was whistling, he called at work, claiming he was sick. He had the feeling that Baekhyun would have needed his help to get better.

 _But what will he do, when he’ll realize I brought him here? Will he get scared? Maybe I should have tried asking him first_.

When he remembered the way the boy sweetly smiled at him when he laid down next to him, though, he managed to shrug away his doubts quickly. He had a feeling in his guts that Baekhyun wanted him to find him. Otherwise, why returning to the library’s garden? He could have just gotten anywhere.

Humming softly, he started to prepare some rice porridge. He washed the rice thoroughly under running water, then soaked it in the pot for a while until he finished preparing all the ingredients. He thinly cut some carrot, onion and celery, then added them to the pot on the stove. The mixture started to bubble as he added some shredded chicken breast, relishing in the hearty smell diffusing in the small kitchen.

When the chicken porridge was done, he went to check on Baekhyun. The boy was still laying on the bed, but his eyes were open and he was staring at the ceiling.

“Are you feeling better?”

Baekhyun didn’t reply immediately. “Sort of” he mumbled. “My arms and legs feel like mush. What happened to you eye?”

“Nothing important. You had a very high fever, yesterday” Chanyeol explained. “A little tiredness has to be expected, I guess.”

Baekhyun rubbed his forehead. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol’s guts twisted slightly at those words. _Why does he always says he’s sorry?_ “It’s okay. Would you like something to eat?”

“If you don’t mind” Baekhyun replied, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. Chanyeol had to strain himself to move his feet, because he could have just stayed put, looking at him, for a very long while.

When he returned holding a cup of porridge, Baekhyun was sitting on the bed, looking around a little confusedly. Slowly, and even somewhat solemnly, Chanyeol handed him the cup, watching him accepting it along with a little grin. He’d missed that smile.

“You know” he said, smoothing some invisible wrinkle on the comforter, “you can stay here to recover, and even for longer, if you want.” _I like having you here,_ he would have added, but was too coward to say it.

Baekhyun froze, holding the spoon between his lips. “Chanyeol” he said, and the taller boy shivered, because it was the very first time Baekhyun called him by his first name, “is it too much if I say that I was hoping to hear you asking me to stay?”

“No” Chanyeol replied, without any hesitation. He sat on the edge of the bed while he boy began to eat, and then, naturally, they began talking to each other. Chanyeol selected a t-shirt and another pair of pants for Baekhyun to wear, but when he showed him some socks Baekhyun started to laugh so loud he almost choked on his food. Chanyeol’s feet were almost twice as long as Baekhyun’s.

Now he wasn’t afraid anymore of looking directly at Chanyeol when he spoke to him. He seemed to smile a little more than before, and even if the fever and the tough life made his cheeks hollow up, his eyes gained back that spark that Chanyeol found so charming.

Taking care of him as he recovered from his flu was a breeze, for Chanyeol. It actually gave his life a purpose that previously just wasn’t there, and it somehow fed his natural nurturing and generous side. Chanyeol just loved cooking for Baekhyun, helping him disentangle his terribly knotted hair before he could shower, preparing herbal tea to help him sweat his sickness away. He liked staying by his side, talking about little things, just to fill in silence, because he had the feeling that time was especially precious, and that Baekhyun, who was maybe the shyest person he ever met before, was finally starting to open up a little bit. He liked sitting with him on the couch, flipping through the TV channels and criticizing together the shows they stumbled upon. Baekhyun liked music programs and series, but seemed to dislike watching news, which Chanyeol did at least twice a day.

Chanyeol returned to work after three days, when Baekhyun was better, and was perfectly okay with going away and leaving him at home alone for the rest of the night. Chanyeol trusted him, and Baekhyun was finally starting to trust him in return, even if he still had many things about himself to reveal.

Their relationship took a definitive turn, though, the day Kris appeared on Chanyeol’s threshold.

Chanyeol was completely unprepared for it. He’d been feeling great for the last few days, since his insomnia, for some reason he still had to grasp, seemed to have gotten suddenly better. Now, after getting home from work, he’d spend a few hours on the couch, dozing off, or laying in his bed while Baekhyun was busy cleaning around or preparing lunch. The boy proved himself to be a good housekeeper because of his experience at the foster home, and Chanyeol was more than okay with entrusting him with those tasks, also because Baekhyun didn’t like going outside to go grocery shopping or to do errands.

When the doorbell rang, he went to open without thinking twice, and when he found Kris staring at him with a bright smile he felt dying inside.

“Hello, can I come in? It’s been a while, and you never reply to my calls. I was starting to think the aliens got you or whatever.”

Unable to reply with anything coherent, Chanyeol weakly stepped aside, letting Kris in. Baekhyun was in the bedroom, and when he heard Kris talking, he peeked from the door.

Chanyeol stayed put, looking in horror at the two of them staring at each other.

“Hello” Kris cautiously began, “I’m Kris. And you are...?”

“What do you want?” Chanyeol blurted out, but not as nearly as calmly as he’d have liked. His voice came out trembling an insecure, and he could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him.

Meanwhile, Kris was staring at him as well. “Mother of God, you look sick. And what the hell happened to your eye? Did you get into a fight?”

Chanyeol absent-mindedly rubbed his left eye, which showed just a faint trace of red around the edge. What would have Kris said, if had seen him just a week before? He stayed silent, while the man kept rambling.

“It’s your insomnia again, isn’t it?” he asked, but instead of letting him reply, he just went on. “You’re always the same, you just never listen. Your mother said you got a job as a night guard. Did you lose your mind? It’s _dangerous_. What if you met face to face with a robber?”

Did he see his mother? And when? Chanyeol had no idea, but for a moment he felt so betrayed he couldn’t even think of an answer.

 _Even my mom thinks I’m a loser_.

“Chanyeol” Kris insisted, coming near him, “trust me, you can’t go on like this. You need to see a specialist... your body won’t heal on its own. It will get worse.”

 _Not this again_. Chanyeol was about to open his mouth and yell – when Kris was like that, there wasn’t any other choice, but Baekhyun suddenly appeared between the two of them with his arms crossed. “You should stop, now” he stated, calm but somewhat decisive, “you’re upsetting him. Also, his insomnia got better lately, so there’s no need to fuss about it.”

Chanyeol found himself staring at Baekhyun’s nape, wondering if he was telling a lie just to make Kris go away. The truth, though, was that he really felt better. And he was starting to believe that Baekhyun’s presence in his life had something to do with that.

A sly little smile, a rather cruel one actually, curved Kris’ lips. “And who do I have the pleasure to talk to?” he asked, in a teasing tone, “Where do you find him, Chanyeol? Are you into teenagers, now?”

“Don’t fucking try insulting him.” _He’s only two years younger than me_ , he would have wanted to add, but he stopped just in time not to sound terribly pathetic. Chanyeol’s chest felt tight with anger. One thing was Kris being cruel and insensitive to him, he was used to it and it was just how things went, but another was Kris picking on Baekhyun. He had nothing to do with all that mess.

“Why?” Kris snorted a mocking laughter. “Will you hit me, if I do?”

Chanyeol was about to tell something – something really compromising - when Baekhyun put a hand on his elbow. Miraculously enough, he was still perfectly calm and collected. “I think you should go, now” he stated, and his seraphic expression was so angelic that Chanyeol caught himself staring at him without any shame, and Kris noticed.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t stay any longer to watch you two being all lovey-dovey.” Angered, Kris approached the door, but he turned towards them just one last time. “And when exactly are you going to tell your mother you got together with a fucking _kid_? You’re such a shitty son. She worries for you, you know?”

Chanyeol said nothing, staring at him with empty eyes until the Chinese man just went past the door and slammed it closed behind his back. Chanyeol and Baekhyun stayed put, motionless, until they heard the sound of Kris’ steps descending the staircase.

Chanyeol felt weak. Baekhyun’s hand, which was still on his arm, was the only thing that kept him in contact with the reality.

“Sit down” the boy gently urged him. He guided him towards a chair, then went into the kitchen, returning quickly with a glass of water. Chanyeol cleared it in a flash, and then tilted his head back in a desperate attempt to stop his tears from falling.

“At first he wasn’t like this” he tried explaining, since Baekhyun was looking at him with such gentleness in his eyes that he couldn’t take it, “he was nice, affectionate and just so funny. I couldn’t stop laughing when he was around. Since I started being sick, I never heard his laughter again, and he turned out like this.”

“It’s not your fault, though” Baekhyun softly soothed him. His hand leaned again on Chanyeol’s elbow, squeezing it lightly.

 _How does he know?_ Chanyeol vaguely wondered, while a single tear rolled down his cheek, falling on his shirt. _How does he know what I need to be told in a moment like that?_ _Kris had been together with me for a lot of time... and he never guessed right._ He always ended up saying what he wanted to, not what Chanyeol needed him to say in order to feel better. Apparently, though, what Baekhyun wanted to say and what Chanyeol needed to hear were the same thing.

He tried speaking, but his throat was too tight, and he just emitted a strangled noise.

Leaning in a little closer, Baekhyun stroked his forearm.  “It’s alright” he murmured, “don’t cry. It’s alright, now.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes, feeling more tired than ever. He hunched forward slightly, not really expecting anything. Therefore, when Baekhyun’s lithe hand came to guide his head to lean on his tiny shoulder, he just let him, without protesting.

Baekhyun’s arm circled his back, pulling him closer and actually hugging him gently. Chanyeol realized that his own breathing suddenly quickened, and that his senses were all on alert. Baekhyun’s scent was deliciously alluring, and he could feel an even more delicious warmth radiate from under his shirt. From his privileged point of view, he could clearly see the boy’s Adam apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed down, and the tender, creamy skin of his throat.

For a wild moment, he wished he could lick it.

“That Kris dude, though” Baekhyun suddenly mumbled, shaking him awake from his daydream, “he’s a real asshole, damn it.”

Chanyeol started to convulse in order to stifle his giggles. Baekhyun had sounded so outraged, while saying that, that he just couldn’t disagree with him.

And when Baekhyun snickered along with him, leaning the side of his head against his own, he allowed himself to close his eyes and sigh of contentedness.

\---oOo---

Slowly, they started getting closer. As in, really closer.

Chanyeol started opening up to the boy whom he took into his apartment, telling him a lot of things about himself and his life. Baekhyun was a great listener, always letting him finish talking before asking questions (which was just so different from Kris) and participating in his anecdotes, laughing with him or reaching out to comfort him when he got emotional. The truth was, in spite of his high stature and big body, Chanyeol was a really emotional man, and actually needed to be reassured often. Kris never realized about that, but Baekhyun did.

Still, Chanyeol knew very little about him. And every time he tried asking, he would get always the same answer.

“And you, Baek?” he’d asked recently, while they were comfortably sitting on the couch, nibbling on some popcorn while watching a movie. “What happened to you? How come you ended up living in the streets? You can tell me, I won’t judge. You’ve been so understanding to me.”

Baekhyun had looked at him, his eyes suddenly wide, but then he had just shaken his head. “I can’t tell” he had murmured. “Really, Chanyeol, I can’t. Please, don’t ask further.”

Chanyeol was starting to get worried with those sibylline words, but then he would easily forget about that, distracted by the way Baekhyun’s smooth cheek trembled in order to stifle a laughter while he watched TV, or by the sight of the boy’s beautiful fingers carding through his hair to keep it away from his face. While he was at work, and his mind was functioning a little better, away from  Baekhyun’s charms, his head was a riddance of crazy hypothesis.

What if Baekhyun committed a crime and needed to disappear not to get caught by police? He could remember well the boy’s terror at the mention of it when they first met, but it somehow seemed impossible, to him. Baekhyun didn’t seem the type to kill someone and just wander around in the streets to become invisible, that was something that happened just in movies anyways. Then, was someone after him? Was he running from the mafia, or loan sharks? It didn’t seem fitting as well. Still, he was positive that Baekhyun wanted to hide from the rest of the world. He was perfectly happy with staying all day and all night in Chanyeol’s flat without getting outside even once, and when Chanyeol asked him to go groceries shopping, he’d wander at the nearest supermarket and get home the quickest he could. Something, in being outside uncovered, just made him terribly nervous, and Chanyeol just didn’t know what to do about it. He wanted to help him, obviously, because the boy seemed to have a big weight sitting on his small shoulders, but how could he, if he kept his mouth shut and didn’t spill a single detail about his past?

Then, one day Chanyeol had an idea.

“I was wondering about the foster home where you used to stay” he said once, while they were having lunch. He just woke from his morning sleep, and felt really good. Baekhyun made some simple ramyun, but he prepared the broth himself and threw in many veggies and even a whole egg, to Chanyeol’s joy.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun asked, cautious.

“We can go there, if you want” Chanyeol suggested. “I mean, I can drive you. You said you liked it there, and that you actually grew up there... I don’t know, it really gave me a feeling that maybe you are missing that place.”

“Really” Baekhyun said, in a neuter tone, “what makes you believe it?”

Taken aback by his reaction, Chanyeol blinked before going on. “I don’t know” he earnestly replied. “It’s just that I hate thinking that something hurt you so much that you ended up homeless and lonely, and I would like doing something nice for you.”

“Really” Baekhyun repeated, a very weird expression twisting his features.

 _Why is he being like this?_ Chanyeol didn’t understand. “I was just thinking that maybe they miss you just as much you seem to miss them.”

Baekhyun looked at him, swallowing with difficulty. Chanyeol knew he’d just told the truth – after Kris’ visit, Baekhyun started to act slightly different around Chanyeol, slightly, well, less circumspectly than before, as if he finally deemed Chanyeol worth of his trust. Sometimes, the smallest hints about his past would escape from his lips, and most of them referred to the foster home. _At the foster home there were some kids, sometimes I played soccer with them. At the foster home we used to gather around a table at night to play some boxed game together before bed. At the foster home we weren’t allowed to skip the Mass on Sundays, which kind of sucked_. If Chanyeol asked for more details, he would just change topic, but to Chanyeol was evident the intrinsic sense of missing of those statements.

“I can’t return there” Baekhyun said, the chopsticks in his hand trembling so hard that he dropped them in his bowl. Chanyeol picked them up for him.

“Why?” he urged, but in the gentlest voice he was able of.

“I can’t, period.”

“But...”

“Oh, fuck” Baekhyun suddenly snapped, “what do you think gives you the right to lecture me like this? Mind your own fucking business!”

Chanyeol was flabbergasted, while Baekhyun left and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind his back. He would have expected a little coldness, or maybe tears, but not a reaction like that.

He waited for a while, but Baekhyun didn’t get out. When he asked through the closed door if he was okay, he yelled at him again.

Good job, you messed it all. Bitterly complimenting himself for his tactfulness, Chanyeol threw in the bin the icy cold remnants of their meal and then started doing the dishes, immersed in his thoughts. The splashing of water prevented him from hearing Baekhyun turn the key into the lock and approach silently.

“I’m sorry” he said, startling Chanyeol, who almost dropped a cup on the floor. Baekhyun’s face was swollen and his eyes red. He cried in the bathroom, and for a moment, Chanyeol felt the strong impulse of letting the cup go, reaching out and taking him in his arms.

“Don’t worry” he replied, without thinking.

Baekhyun bowed his head slightly and started crying. “No, really, I’m sorry” he insisted, “it was nice, of you to be so considerate of me, and I just got bitchy and insulted you. I’m so sorry--” He stopped talking, sobbing violently. Chanyeol held the cup tighter.

 _Hug him, idiot_.

“Baekhyun” he murmured, “please. Nothing happened.”

Slowly, he put the cup in the sink, then he dried his hands on the apron he was wearing. He took a hesitant step towards Baekhyun, unsure of how to proceed, but thankfully the boy helped him out. Stretching out his arms, he reached out for him in an unmistakable way, and Chanyeol pulled him in his arms.

At first he held him gently. Baekhyun was so thin and frail that he almost was afraid to hurt him if he held him too tightly. His scent, though, was so nice, and his body so warm. For a moment, Chanyeol almost forgot to soothe him, lost in the feeling of holding him against himself.

“It’s okay” he whispered, rubbing gentle circles on the boy’s back, “it’s okay.”

Then, what happened next was so quick Chanyeol barely grasped it. Baekhyun tilted his head to tell him something, just when he was bending down his own to lean his chin over the boy’s hair, and their noses touched briefly. He felt Baekhyun’s warm breath on his face, and he froze, unable to think straight.

“Uh... I’ll make tea.”

It was a sordid excuse, but Chanyeol felt it wasn’t right, kissing Baekhyun in a moment like that. It almost felt like taking advantage of him, and he didn’t want it to happen. His thundering heart wasn’t exactly agreeing with his mind, but oh well.

“You were right” Baekhyun finally said, while they were sitting on the couch with a warm cup of tea in their hands, “I miss the foster home. A lot. And probably, I’d like to see them again.”

“Probably?”

Baekhyun shot him a weird glance from under his lashes. “The day I disappeared... stuff happened. I’m not the same guy I was before.”

A gelid hand grabbed Chanyeol’s stomach. “Baekhyun” he whispered, “what do you mean?”

Baekhyun tiredly shook his head. “They are good people, and took care of me well. I can’t just go there and pretend nothing happened. I feel...” he struggled for the right words, closing his eyes, “I feel _dirty_. Does it make sense?”

 _I suppose it does_. Maybe, after all,  Baekhyun really committed a crime, just like Chanyeol thought earlier.

“I think” Chanyeol carefully said, desperately trying to use the right words, “that since they love you, they will understand.”

Baekhyun sighed. “You are right” he murmured, “like always.”

\---oOo---

Chanyeol  took another couple days off from work. His colleague was getting really angry at him, but his boss didn’t care, since Chanyeol would barely take any vacations before.

It was a cold but sunny day, when they finally got on Chanyeol’s car and went to the foster home where Baekhyun used to stay. To Chanyeol’s dismay, Baekhyun was in a very good mood and was very chatty.

“I didn’t know you could drive” he said, while Chanyeol’s old Mercedes brought them across the town. “Why do you always go on foot? The library is not exactly near your flat. You might save a lot of time driving.”

“I like walking” Chanyeol replied, smiling broadly. “It helps me clear my mind.”

Baekhyun smiled back and lowered the car window, closing his eyes when he felt the breeze on his face. Now that they left for real, he looked excited of seeing the people that loved him again, and Chanyeol was honestly pleased with himself for convincing him. Previously, Chanyeol found the foster home’s phone number on the internet and called them to prepare them to their arrival. The man he spoke to sounded suspicious, but when Baekhyun started talking into the phone he understood they weren’t pulling a prank on them. The name of the man was Eunjae, and he said they could come to visit in every moment. Chanyeol immediately took a liking in his honesty and in the way he simply greeted Baekhyun warmly, without asking unnecessary questions.

The house was rather big, with a small garden in the front and a much bigger one in the rear. Chanyeol could already hear children scream and laugh while he parked the car in the street. Still in his seat, Baekhyun looked at the building, and a shadow fell on his face.

“Don’t tell me you’re regretting it” Chanyeol gently teased him, ruffling his hair with his big hand.

“No” Baekhyun replied, smiling again, but this time a little more forcefully. He was tormenting his fingers, though, while they got out of the car and Chanyeol rang at the door, as if he was way more nervous that what he’d like to admit.

A little girl with pigtails and thick glasses came to open the door. “You are so tall” she said when she saw Chanyeol. “Who are you?”

Chanyeol was about to blurt out something, a little taken aback by the kid’s insolence, but suddenly Baekhyun popped from behind his back. “He’s a giant and he came to get you!”

The child screamed. “Oppa!” she cried, hugging Baekhyun tightly. “Eunjae, Baekhyun-oppa is back!”

“Who? Who is back?”

A few other children of various ages all came crying out loud, each of them ready to hug Baekhyun and greet him warmly. “Hyung-nim, I missed ya!”

“Wanna play with me?”

“Come see my drawing!”

Baekhyun shot an apologetic little smile to Chanyeol while the kids dragged him inside. He looked beyond happy to be around them, and that sight made Chanyeol’s heart swell. A lady in her fifties came too and hugged Baekhyun tightly, holding him for long, while a man, probably her husband, came to shake Chanyeol’s hand. “I’m Cha Eunjae, nice to meet you” he said.

“I’m Park Chanyeol.”

“Thank you for bringing Baekhyun here” Eunjae said, “I mean it. We were starting to get prepared for the worst. It’s such a relief seeing that he’s alive and well.”

“And that he looks glowing, if I may say.” The lady of before came to greet Chanyeol as well. “I’m Sooyoung, nice to meet you.”

The little girl with pigtails was bossing the others around, claiming Baekhyun all for herself, until the boy actually picked her up and held her in his arms. Chanyeol caught himself staring, and he quickly averted his gaze because the couple was starting to look at him funny.

“We were so worried, when he left without a word” Eunjae went on. “It was so unexpected. He is such a nice boy... he’s very patient with the kids. They missed him terribly, and we were starting to run out of replies to their incessant questions.”

While Baekhyun was busy with the children, Chanyeol sat with Eunjae and Sooyoung in front of a cup of tea. “I’m sorry to ask” the woman murmured, after a few small talks, “but how did you come in contact with Baekhyun? He very rarely got out of the foster home.”

Chanyeol told her the whole story, and when he mentioned the fact that when they first met the boy was living in the streets and looking like a homeless she couldn’t hide her distress. “I’m...” she began, exchanging a look with her husband, “I don’t understand. What could have happened to him?”

“He never told me” Chanyeol admitted, feeling honestly sorry for those two kind people, “I asked him several times, but I never managed to get him to talk.”

“Do you think” Sooyoung asked, looking at him directly in the eyes, “that he got involved in some kind of... accident?”

“Accident?” Chanyeol repeated, feeling dumb. “I don’t think he hit his head or something like that. He never showed any sign of amnesia, I think.”

“No, no” Sooyoung insisted. “I was thinking of something like an abduction... or a kidnapping.”

Something dreadful happened to Chanyeol’s guts while he processed those words. He put the cup back on the table, because his hand was shaking.

“When he disappeared without a word, we evaluated many different possibilities” Eunjae explained. “We tried being realistic, obviously. He was a grown man, and he had every right to leave us of his will, even if we wouldn’t agree. We knew his biological family was linked to certain criminal environments, and we knew he might have been contacted by them. We were prepared to everything, we guessed... but when we contacted police, and we told them Baekhyun looks way younger than his age, they told us that there might be a possibility he was kidnapped by someone.”

Chanyeol couldn’t talk. Slowly, he turned his head towards the sitting room, where he could hear Baekhyun’s voice talking sweetly to the little girl he was still carrying around.

“You can call me stupid, if you want” Sooyoung said, “but when I saw him previously, I had no doubts anymore. He may look the same physically, but something in his eyes is definitely different. Someone hurt my poor boy...” The woman’s voice faltered, and Chanyeol watched as Eunjae held her hand tightly.

He spent a little more time with the couple, then some screaming coming from the sitting room forced Sooyoung to go check on the kids, only to find the little girl with pigtails biting viciously on one of the older boys’ arms for calling her “four eyes”. Unable to stop himself, Chanyeol reached Baekhyun’s side while Sooyoung was soothing the crying boy and scolding the girl, and grabbed his hand.

At first Baekhyun was startled by his move and tried squirming away, but Chanyeol’s grip was powerful, and he didn’t let go until Baekhyun stopped resisting and squeezed his hand back. Sooyoung’s upset expression while she talked about Baekhyun, before, was sculpted in his mind.

“Are you happy?” Chanyeol asked him in the car, while they were returning home.

From his seat, Baekhyun shot him a dreamy look. “Yes” he replied. “I needed it. I missed the kids more than anything, actually... and Sooyoung and Eunjae as well. They have been more than just foster parents, to me. They are my family.”

Chanyeol felt deeply ashamed of himself. _How could I think he would leave them willingly? Sooyoung is right. Someone took him against his will and held him captive somewhere_. He felt his stomach churn at the thought of some horrible pervert laying his filthy hands on Baekhyun.

“What are you thinking?” Baekhyun asked, worried. “You look upset.”

 _I’m so sorry, Baekhyun, for thinking wrong of you._ “I was thinking” Chanyeol said, “that since it’s still early, we might go to have dinner in a nice place, just the two of us. How does it sound?”

“Chanyeol” Baekhyun murmured, blushing furiously, “are you possibly asking me out for a date?”

Chanyeol waited for his reply, on pins and needles. The night was falling, and the air was getting cold again.

“Yes” Baekhyun replied, after several minutes of silence. “Yes, I’d love to go on a date with you.”

Chanyeol sighed, in a desperate attempt to ease his breathing. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

He parked the car in front of an Italian restaurant he heard about. It was still somewhat early, so there weren’t many customers inside and the waiter got them a good table. Baekhyun looked shy, keeping his gaze low and playing idly with the menu card while choosing what to eat, but Chanyeol could feel his knee touching his leg from under the table. They ordered spaghetti allo scoglio and salad, and when the waiter disappeared in the kitchen they found themselves staring at each other, words suddenly unnecessary.

“Thank you” Baekhyun murmured, after Chanyeol poured a glass of wine for him, “for everything. I don’t know what I would have done with myself, if I hadn’t met you.”

“But I barely did anything” Chanyeol protested, trying to add a weak laughter to dissipate a little tension, but Baekhyun shook his head.

“You kept me alive” he whispered, “when I had not many reasons to.”

Chanyeol was still trying to digest those word, when Baekhyun’s gaze fell on his hand, which was laying flat on the chequered tablecloth. “Your hands are so pretty” he said.

Chanyeol squirmed in embarrassment, thinking of the way he clumsily held Baekhyun’s small hand in the foster home. “What? No, they’re just big and ugly...” _Yours are_ , he would have added, but Baekhyun was quicker than him.

“They are big and gentle, just like you.” And under Chanyeol’s dumbfounded gaze, the boy actually picked up his hand and held it against his warm cheek, smiling at  him softly.

Chanyeol couldn’t talk, and to be totally sincere, couldn’t _move_ either. Nobody ever spoke to him like that, as if he was somehow precious or actually worth something. But Baekhyun’s eyes were mesmerizing, in that moment, and they were staring at him expressing such fondness that he couldn’t resolve himself to say anything, unwilling to ruin that moment.

They were still like that when the waiter was back with their food.

\---oOo---

Chanyeol fumbled with his flat’s keys, having a little trouble turning them in the lock since Baekhyun was clinging onto him so hard. They got out of the restaurant holding hands, they got into the car and stopped touching each other just to avoid getting involved in a car accident of some sort. When Chanyeol parked the car in the building’s garage, though, Baekhyun literally threw himself into his arms, wrapping his arms around his waist. Holding him was the best feeling in the world, Chanyeol thought. He was so warm and giggly, while he clang onto him trying to climb the stairs at the same time. They had to detach themselves when one of Chanyeol’s neighbours, a very nosy elderly lady, looked at them funny while watering the plants on the floor, but they grabbed each other immediately as she disappeared from their sight.

“Are you eager to get inside too?” Baekhyun whispered in his ear, while he furiously turned the key into the lock. “Hmm, am I seeing some phallic symbolism in your doings?”

“You are rambling” Chanyeol slurred, unable to believe just how much he was turned on. “I am the older and more experienced one, remember? I am calm and collected, period.”

Baekhyun stood on his tiptoes and blew into his ear, making Chanyeol shiver hard. “Calm and collected, sure.”

Finally they got in, and Chanyeol pulled him inside, grabbing his face in the dark to make him tilt his head. “Lights, please” Baekhyun breathed against his mouth, “I want to see you.”

Chanyeol fumbled for the switch, but they were already kissing when the room was flooded by light. Baekhyun’s lips were plush and soft, his flavour as sweet as honey. They made out feverishly, hands wandering over hard planes of bones and muscles.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, right now” Baekhyun breathed, when Chanyeol’s mouth moved to suck his jaw, “you are so beautiful.”

“You are” Chanyeol replied, nipping at the sensitive area below the boy’s chiselled ear. Kissing him in that spot made him quiver deliciously in his arms. “You are just so gorgeous... I think I fell for you immediately, when I met you in the garden for the first time.”

Baekhyun stared at him for a moment. “I was filthy and I acted like a bitch.”

“Baekhyun” Chanyeol repeated, frowning, “I said _gorgeous_.”

They laughed madly together, staggering towards the bedroom. They took their sweet time kissing each other, rolling on the soft mattress like horny teenagers. Chanyeol wasn’t sure of who started removing clothes first, but he definitely didn’t mind, when Baekhyun laid half-naked, with just his pants still on, on his bed, all creamy white skin and delicious scent. He kissed a path down his torso, peppering his collarbone and sternum in small pecks, before focusing his attention back on the boy’s neck, sucking gently on the exposed skin. When Baekhyun keened after a small bite which probably left a hickey, Chanyeol found out that he was so hard he was about to come in his pants.

“I need a break” he said, making Baekhyun giggle again. Catching his breath, he sat on his heels, suddenly shy. “Do you want me to, uhm, proceed?”

“Please” Baekhyun whispered, closing his eyes, a red mark forming on the side of his throat. “Please, do it.”

Chanyeol rummaged in his nightstand, hoping he still had some condoms in his drawer, along with a small vial of lube. He was unable to hide the triumphant face when he found the both of them, and Baekhyun laughed again. Chanyeol had a feeling he could have started walking on his hands just to hear that laughter. He loved it, just like he loved every other feature of that boy.

“Your eyes are so pretty when you laugh” he murmured, while he helped him removing his trousers, “they sparkle, you know?”

“Eww” Baekhyun protested, but kind of weakly, wincing when Chanyeol’s lubed fingers probed at his entrance. “Sappy.”

He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling his face closer for a small kiss. “Be gentle to me” he pleaded, his voice so low it was barely audible.

For a moment, Chanyeol froze, suddenly remembering the whole conversation with Eunjae and Sooyoung. He bent down, kissing Baekhyun slowly and gently, cupping his face with his left hand. “I will, babe.  I could never hurt you. You’re so precious to me.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, sighing and leaning in to deepen the kiss while Chanyeol started touching him. Chanyeol did his best to be slow, respectful and loving, waiting patiently for Baekhyun’s body to give up his resistance and get more pliant under his ministrations.

When he was ready, he pushed into him slowly, terrified to hurt him. Around him, Baekhyun was hot and smooth like silk.

He started moving just when Baekhyun told him to, undulating his hips gently at first, but gaining more tempo when it started to feel really good and pleasure sparked directly to his brain, inflaming his blood. He felt like his whole body was palpitating at the unison with Baekhyun’s, as if their breathing, their heartbeat and their minds were weirdly synchronized.

“Uh... again” Baekhyun mewled, when Chanyeol thrusted deeply, almost nailing him on the mattress, “I love it.” The invitations drove him wild, compelling him to finish quickly, while he would have wanted to make it last forever.

They came hard, one after the other, kissing each other feverishly, their bodies seizing and spasming. Afterwards, they laid together, catching their breaths and holding each other, basking in their shared heat and shuddering for every little aftershock.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol purred, nosing against Baekhyun’s temple. His guts clenched, though, when he noticed the way he was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling with his eyes wide open and a pained expression on his face. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

“Chanyeol” Baekhyun whispered, still avoiding to look at him, “I love you so much.”

For a moment, Chanyeol’s happiness was perfect. His heart ran wild, while a pleasant warmth radiated in his chest... until Baekhyun started talking again.

“I think I am ready to tell you what happened to me. You deserve to know... and I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore.”

Chanyeol sat on the bed, while Baekhyun did the same. His eyes lost that sparkle again, and he looked so small and vulnerable, all naked and trembling, that Chanyeol reached out and held him tight. Tucked against his chest, Baekhyun started pouring his heart to him, one word at a time. He cried a lot, wetting Chanyeol in his tears, and he held onto him the hardest he could bear, until he had no tears left.

\---oOo---

Chanyeol was in the kitchen, making some tea. After Baekhyun’s long confession, the boy fell asleep, exhausted, but Chanyeol was so shocked he couldn’t blink an eye. After making sure that Baekhyun was in deep slumber, he got up and sat on the couch, trying to clear out his mind.

It all began on that wretched day, when he said hello to Sooyoung and Eunjae like every morning, prepared breakfast for the kids and then left to go grocery shopping. “It was something I did every single day” Baekhyun murmured, “I loved it, when the kids praised me for my food, and I always wanted to get fresh ingredients. I used to go on foot, and by myself. Sometimes Eunjae would come with me, but that time he didn’t because Gong Mi, the little girl we met today, was sick and he preferred staying with her. So I went out alone.”

He shivered. “Really, I did it countless times, before, and nothing ever happened.”

Chanyeol held him tighter, stroking his hair soothingly and pressing his lips to Baekhyun’s forehead. “ I was supposed to go to the butcher’s shop to get some beef and then to the greengrocer’s, but it suddenly started raining. I didn’t bring an umbrella along, so I took shelter under the platform roof of the bus stop. There, there was a guy.

“At first I didn’t pay much attention to him. I was annoyed since it was getting late, and I didn’t want to waste half of the morning waiting for the rain to stop. So, when he started talking to me, I got startled. He was really close, and I didn’t realize.

“He asked if I was a student, and I said no. Then he started chatting about the weather, and then about the bus being perpetually late. I replied just for courtesy, because he was really bothering me. When it was clear that the rain wouldn’t have stopped, he offered to take me at the butcher’s shop, since he had an umbrella.

“”Aren’t you supposed to go somewhere by bus?” I asked, but apparently, he wasn’t. He insisted to accompany me, so, since I really needed to go,  I accepted.”

Baekhyun clung onto Chanyeol so hard he could have strangled him. “I’ve been so stupid, Chanyeol” he whispered. “I could have just turned off his invitation and ran away, he wouldn’t have dared following me in plain sight.”

Chanyeol rocked him gently in his arms. “And then, what happened?”

“Well, we started walking.  At a certain moment, he led me in a hallway I didn’t know, saying he wanted to show me another butcher’s shop where a certain friend of his worked, where I could have bought anything at a more convenient price. I made the mistake of believing him, since the butcher I knew was a tad bit expensive. When we got deep into the hallway, though, he suddenly grabbed me and pressed something on my mouth, and I think he chloroformed me.

“When I woke up, I was laying on the floor, in a place I didn’t know. A boy was sitting a little apart of me, and I could see he was wearing a school uniform.

“”What school are you from?” he asked. I stared at him, feeling dumb, my head heavy. His face was swollen because of a big purplish bruise on his cheek.

“”I’m not a student”, I replied, terrified. “Where... what is this place?”

“”Hell” he just replied. And it was hell indeed.” At that point, Baekhyun had to stop, because he was sobbing hard and couldn’t talk.

Alone on the couch, Chanyeol started crying. He tried being strong previously, because he didn’t want to upset Baekhyun any further, but now he really couldn’t take it anymore. Baekhyun told him everything, every sordid detail of how his kidnapper tortured him and that other poor boy he held captive. Baekhyun got targeted just because of his youthful looks, because the man was just into teenagers. He believed he was lying, while he talked about going to the butcher’s, and when he found out that Baekhyun actually told the truth and was twenty-one years old he got terribly mad. The first thing he did was destroying Baekhyun’s cell phone and ID card, making sure he couldn’t contact anyone for help. He confined them in a cellar which himself made soundproof stuffing the walls with glass wool and other materials which made Baekhyun cough. He would abuse sexually of them both, but he seemed to be partial for his young companion.

Baekhyun wasn’t sure of how long those tortures lasted. One day, he simply found himself staring at the cellar’s door, which his kidnapper left half-open because his phone suddenly rang and he hurried to answer.

“Go” the other boy urged him, “it won’t happen again. It’s your only chance.”

“But you...” Baekhyun began, but they both knew they wouldn’t have made it together. Baekhyun was in a good physical shape, while the boy, who had been held captive for much longer than him, was weak and had a broken leg, because the man once used a hammer on him to prevent him from running away.

“I am doomed” the other simply replied, and Baekhyun still remembered the way he smiled lightly at him while saying that. He looked like an old man, he said, even if he wasn’t even eighteen yet.

“I will look for help” Baekhyun promised him, before sliding past the open door and getting outside. For a moment, the cold made him freeze, because it was already autumn and he was wearing just a tee and some horrible sweatpants he found in the donated stuff at the foster home. Anyway, he ran and ran, until he realized he had no idea of where he was and where he was going.

At the end, he recognized where he was. He started walking towards the block where the foster home was, but then he just stopped. Baekhyun remembered very clearly himself standing motionless in the middle of the sidewalk, unable to take any other step forward.

“I couldn’t return, Chanyeol” he whispered, desperate, hiding his face in his chest. “I couldn’t. I was... I wasn’t the same guy they knew. I was someone else.”

And that was the exact moment when he realized also that he didn’t have the force to call police or to ask for help.

“I am a coward” he murmured, “the worst kind of coward. The kind who runs away.”

“Babe” Chanyeol tried soothing him, “you were shocked. You were a victim...”

“I abandoned that boy to the fury of that beast” Baekhyun said, “that’s what I did. I killed him.”

Those words had been haunting Chanyeol since he heard them. He remembered Baekhyun’s reaction when they met in the library’s garden. _Don’t come any closer_. Just how long before did he manage to escape from his prison? And how long had he been wandering in the streets, crushed by his guilt?

At the end, he couldn’t resist and went back to the bedroom, laying down next to Baekhyun. He scooted the nearest he could to him, then he started caressing his hair until the boy woke up.

“Babe, please. We need to talk.”

Baekhyun shook himself awake, accepting the lukewarm cup of tea he brought along and taking a sip. “How are you feeling?” Chanyeol asked, worried. Baekhyun’s face was still swollen and his eyes puffy for all that crying.

“A little lighter, I think” the other replied, snorting mirthlessly, “but just because I burdened you, I’m afraid.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, laying his head on Baekhyun’s lap while he drank. The boy’s fingers were carding through his hair, his fingertips warm on his scalp.

“You might get rid of this burden, if you want to” Chanyeol suggested.

Baekhyun’s fingers stopped moving. “I...” he started, insecure, “I don’t know. I am an assassin. I can’t talk to the police.”

“Baek, you can’t be sure of that. And stop calling yourself that.”

“Why? It’s just how things are.” Baekhyun started tearing up again. “I am _sure_ he’s dead, by now. I told you, that man was crazy. He would... he would do terrible things...”

And he started describing various examples of how that pervert would act towards him and the other boy. At first Chanyeol tried being brave, but after a while he couldn’t take it anymore and his body started to react. He actually had to rush to the bathroom, because his stomach was spasming. When he was back, he noticed that Baekhyun was staring at him.

“I’m so sorry, babe” Baekhyun murmured. “I didn’t want to tell you anything... you’re so pure, and I’m so...” He grimaced, looking disgusted with himself, and Chanyeol had to climb on the bed again to hold him close.

“My opinion on you didn’t change” Chanyeol said. “You are still the one who made me fall in love.”

Baekhyun sighed against him, and his tears started falling again.

“I love you” Chanyeol whispered, holding his face between his hands.

Their lips met in a kiss, while Baekhyun curled up against him like a kitten.

\---oOo---

The police station was a gloomy old building, and even from the outside didn’t look very safe. Chanyeol was holding Baekhyun’s hand, but the boy was shaking so hard he was afraid he would fall on the ground at any moment. Previously, at home, after making love again, Baekhyun asked Chanyeol for help.

“I want to report that man” Baekhyun said, “and I’ll turn myself in, also, for negligence and I don’t know, failure to assist a person in danger, maybe.”

He was still looking miserable, but his face brightened up a little while saying that. Chanyeol could feel his insides churn just by thinking of Baekhyun being sentenced, but at the same time, all he could do was staying by his side and support him.

“Oh God” Baekhyun whined, when they were about to walk past the entrance of the police station, “oh my God.”

He was white as a washed rag and shaking madly, and Chanyeol had to wait for him to calm down. While he was holding him, rubbing circles on his back, a young officer got out of the door. “Do you need help? I’m officer Kim.”

For some reason, Chanyeol immediately took a liking on him. He was young and his round face and almond-shaped eyes inspired immediate trust. With his help, they managed to escort Baekhyun inside of the station, getting directly in Kim’s office, who offered them a cup of coffee.

To make Baekhyun at ease, the policeman started talking about himself. His name was Minseok, and he was twenty-five, just recently promoted. He had a degree in psychology and he was a black belt in aikido.

After a few small talks, though, the main topic couldn’t be avoided any further, and Baekhyun started telling the whole story, while Chanyeol held him. At first the boy’s voice came out hesitant, almost like a whine, but then it got a little bolder. Baekhyun _wanted_ to get rid of his burden, even if letting it out was painful and terrible. Officer Kim listened to him attentively, taking a few notes from time to time.

Baekhyun was able to describe his kidnapper’s physical features with precision, and Kim was pretty sure they would be able to get a pretty accurate identikit, but the best part of the whole story was that Baekhyun remembered well the address of the place where he’d been held captive.

“This way we could get a warrant soon” Kim reassured them. “Do you have anything to add?”

And then came the most difficult part. Baekhyun’s breathing quickened, and Chanyeol held him tighter. “Relax, babe, you’re doing great. You can do it.” They’d been lucky to stumble upon officer Kim, he thought, since he listened and seemed to believe them immediately.

“I... I want to turn myself in” Baekhyun whispered.

Kim looked at him. “Why?” he gently asked. He seemed to understand also Baekhyun’s fragile state of mind, and he asked his questions with patience and care.

“B-because I... I... I didn’t do anything to save someone’s life.” And finally Baekhyun let out the worst, most shameful part of his confession, about how he didn’t ask for help immediately after he ran away. Kim, though, seemed distracted by something, and started typing at the computer on his desk.

“The boy you’re talking about” he asked, “is maybe this one?”

Baekhyun started crying hysterically when he saw the picture on the screen. “Yes, yes, it’s him.”

“Thank you for your help, Baekhyun. I mean it. We will do something really soon.”

Baekhyun was confused. “Wait, what will happen to me, now? Am I supposed to stay in jail?”

Kim smiled. “Just go home and have a good rest. You’ve been great, but it must have been tiring. And stop feeling guilty. You underwent something that could have brought much tougher people to madness.”

Baekhyun’s eyes filled with tears again, but Chanyeol recognized the relief in them. He held him tightly, while officer Kim patted gently on the crying boy’s arm. “He’s the criminal” he said, “and you are not, okay?”

\---oOo---

A few days passed without any news from officer Kim. The man gave Chanyeol his cell phone number, telling him he would have contacted him if they got anything. Meanwhile, Chanyeol lost his job.

It was a cheap shot, but actually it hurt less than he would have imagined. He received a very cold phone call, telling him to come to give back his uniform, badge and gun, since “he prolonged his vacation without notifying the company”. Technically they were right, since after the whole mess of the last few days Chanyeol forgot to call at work to ask for a few other free days, but still, a part of him felt melancholy. He liked the library and its dark corridors, after all. Thankfully enough, Baekhyun began working at the foster home again, so they weren’t exactly penniless.

“You’ll find something better” Baekhyun tried comforting him, when he told him. “I mean, lately your sleeping schedule got way better, didn’t it? Now you can apply for anything.”

Chanyeol had to acknowledge he was right. Lately, he would fall asleep easily in his bed, holding Baekhyun’s warm body against himself. Sometimes he would wake up during the night, but Baekhyun’s peaceful and regular’s breathing would lull him to sleep anew.

He was healed.

“You are the best medicine” he said, nuzzling his face against Baekhyun’s head, making him giggle. He could have died to hear him laugh.

Kim’s phone call came after a few other days.

“We got him” he simply said, after a quick greeting. “He was holding two boys in the basement of his house, just like Baekhyun said. He made the walls soundproof, that’s why the neighbours didn’t realize about anything.”

“Two boys?” Chanyeol asked. “Are they...”

“They are alive” Kim immediately reassured him. “We brought them to the hospital because they had various injuries that needed treatment, but they are awake and lucid. You can tell Baekhyun that the boy he was so worried about is okay. I think it could be good if you’d take him to visit him, it might help him feel better.”

Chanyeol’s joy was so violent he almost crushed the cell phone in his hand. “Yes. Thanks, thanks for everything you did for us.”

“Just another thing. You said you work as a night guard, didn’t you?”

“Well...” Chanyeol sighed. “I got laid off recently for some unjustified absences.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that there will be some recruitment for new officers, soon, and I thought you might be interested.”

Chanyeol’s heart started doing weird things against his ribcage. “Uh,  I don’t know... I actually tried the entrance exam a few times and I failed it.”

“Maybe this time it will be different” Kim cheerfully told him, before saying goodbye and ending the call. Chanyeol stared at the phone for a while, until Baekhyun called him over to ask who it was.

When Chanyeol told him the good news, he screamed so high he was afraid the neighbours would call for help, but then he fell on his knees, relief sucking away all his strength. Chanyeol held him against himself, participating in his feeling.

Later, they followed Kim’s advice and went to the hospital, looking for the boy. His name was Oh Sehun, and Baekhyun lost it again, when he saw him in a bed with a leg in a cast.

Chanyeol let them have some privacy, before driving Baekhyun back home. That night, when they ate, he told him about Kim’s suggestion to try the police’s entrance exam again.

“It’s a wonderful idea, love” Baekhyun told him, smiling, “I’ll support you with all my being.”

 

\---oOo--- Two months later ---oOo---

“Fuck, oh fuck” Chanyeol whined, looking through the list of those who passed the final test. Surprisingly enough, he did well at the physical examination and at the written test. His main worry was to have failed the psychological test, which he always made poorly, but his name apparently wasn’t anywhere.

“I’m not even in the list” he said, “I must have scored terribly.”

“Uh, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun tried getting his attention. “Would you take a look at this?”

“Oh, fuck. I’m such a failure. Why did I listen to officer Kim? I should have just looked for something else.”

“Chanyeol!”

“What do you want?” he grunted, but his eyes widened when he saw what the boy was pointing at. His name was on the top half of the list.

He ranked fifth.

His knees wobbled, and he leaned heavily on Baekhyun. “Ow” the other protested, “don’t dare fainting on me, or you’ll make me fall!”

But Chanyeol didn’t faint, holding him tightly instead. “Babe” Baekhyun whispered, worried, “are you okay?”

“Yes” Chanyeol replied, reclining his head so that he could lean it on top of Baekhyun’s, “yes. I’m fine.”

Baekhyun reached out to fix Chanyeol’s fringe. “My sexy policeman” he said, making Chanyeol laugh.

The sun was shining brightly on them, making the dark night only a vague memory.


End file.
